I Don't Know

I dreamed about you, after the first time we've exchanged words.
We kissed, but I don't know you.

Darkness

No, I won't.
I won't get into the darkness again.
You want me 2.
But I won't let you.
Can't you see the light you created in me?

On the train

I'm taking the train. It makes me nervous at first. All those different souls, thoughts and lives captured in one small compartment. I like to think, I like to fill in the blanks while I gaze upon someone trying to figure out what is going on in them. She is talking on the phone besides me. Every day is an episode of her lifeline. She creates the story herself and puts herself into the middle. I could write a book on the short conversation she has on the phone with a friend. She says goodbye and puts down the phone. She tapped me on the arm unintentionally. "Sorry!" She said. I smiled at her and said it was ok. I was happy to be a small part in her story.

Connected

There are a lot of times that I feel uncomfortable and nervous around people. It takes me a lot of energy to become myself. Although when I'm alone with someone this doesn't happen. Everybody has there own thoughts about you. I have my own thoughts about them. How much do you show? How much do you have to show to not put people off? I gave up trying to be someone else to please and make sure everybody likes me. If someone doesn't like me then we weren't ment to be connected.

Heart

I have a warm heart.
But no one sees the fire in me.

Thoughts

He was there, again. Looking at himself in the windows of the shops he passed while thinking. Thinking of what his future might hold. "The past is gone and will never return. It will never return to me so I can erase my mistakes and replace them with the knowledge I have now", he thought. "It seemed impossible to live before". He remembered the last time he cried and looked on his watch. Anything to distract him from his thoughts but seeing the time go by made him shiver. He looked down on the ground in a puddle of water and saw his own reflection. He heard several footsteps in the distance. He shook his head in disbelief how he could make himself suffer like this and continued to walk the street. "My soul only feels free when I am by myself. But I don't want my soul to be free, i want it to be torn apart. When it was torn apart I felt alive." He remembered her, still, after all those years. "The first one you really love, is the one who can teach you what pain means, show you that you have a heart, that there is a pain that you can feel without being physically harmed." He remembered how he felt and started laughing. "It was beautiful", he said quietly.

Love

It's allright, you can use me.
I will love you till you are done with me.

Depression

I was depressed for a week.
I didn't feel anything.
No pain, no joy, no excitement....nothing.
I was standing under the shower wondering why I couldn't get it up.
Never it was so empty in my head without even a shade of emotion.
I tried to hide it but finally said to my girl that I felt depressed.
She couldn't bear to see me like that.
I couldn't bear seeing her trying to make me happy knowing she couldn't.
I faked being happy for the rest of the week knowing she felt the emptiness inside of me.

Earth

The world keeps revolving around me but she doesn't consider me.
But I consider her in every step I take.
She takes hold of me when I can't move.
She catches my tears when they fall.
She shows me light when I need it.
No thing I can depend on, as I can on her.

Suprise relief

I crashed.
Fell harder then suspected.
A cruciating pain I never felt before took over me.
I though, I only can be lucky now.
It feels like a relief to know this.

Lost

I tried it all.
I feel like i'm the only lost soul.
Everybody around me has find somebody but I,
I am unlucky still and I feel lost.
So lost, it feels like I will never find the way back to shared happiness again.

Angel

She asked me: "How long have you lived in silence? Months, years probably?"
I was alone for years, no friends.
All I did was smoke weed and feel sorry for myself.
She brought me out of that and taught me the secrets of life and love.
She was an angel.
But even an angel can turn your life into hell one day.