Calm

I live a calm life.
I don't have much friends.
If I would like I can disappear forgood.
And not many people would care.
It's strange living this way.
But I'm getting used to it.
Why this is my fate? I don't know.
It seems a long forgotten road.
I'm walking on.
Balancing myself in mind.
Holding on to myself.
Somebody will save me from this.
And I'm waiting.
Waiting for you.

Station

I am not a moving train people step on, I am a station that gets passed by.

Road

I feel like I'm on the road, alone, heading to somewhere unknown.
Maybe I won't find what I'm looking for.
It gets me demotivated many times.
Though I believe still, someone is waiting for me out there.

Moon

I shouldn't search for love.
Love will find you.
I guess for some people this happens frequently.
For me, once in a blue moon, or less.

Not Much

I am unlucky.
Unlucky in love, unlucky in life.
I threw away so many years.
I'm trying to catch up and make luck happen.
I get paid in small rewards.
Small moments of happiness but it´s not much.

Women

I never went out to look for women.
Mostly out of self-pity, shyness or lack of confidence.
I made myself believe that it happens when the time is right.
This is the only thing that keeps me standing.
It gives me hope because it happened before.

Dreams

Everyday I wake up with dreams that haven't been materialized.
And I go to bed with dreams that are broken.

Tell

I tell you loneliness.

To get into my veins.

I will let you run free.

So I know how to deal with you.

So many people can’t.

And search for any way to avoid it.

I think you are strong when you can let loneliness come.

And give yourself time.

For the person to get into your life.

That can cure this virus running through.

I am not proud of myself.

That I am so lonely as I am.

Am I strong enough that I can bear.

Or am I weak and should I try harder?

For this moment.

I’m in this by myself.

For a long time coming.

New Shoes

I was like new shoes for her.

Made her feel light on her feet.

Filled her with happiness.

Shoes wear off.

Happiness too.

The present is grim.

If I think of the possibilities went by.

I wish I could grab them.

Revisit old mistakes.

But it won't help.

I will make them.

Over and over again.

Old days.

Old memories.

Gone by.

The wind got hold of them.

Observe

I might not understand it all.
But I can watch and observe with percision.
As everything happens.
I can read from her body language she is exercising to forget.
I see a blue spot just above her left eyebrow.
"I walked against a kitchen cabinet", I expect she would say.
She has a continuous smile but her eyes are empty.
Like she is looking inwards instead of out.
She is working out harder than before.
Pushing herself to the limit.
Sweat pouring from her body.
Letting go of everything.
Like nobody would notice.

Children's Story: The Blackbird

It’s dark. The little birds are sleeping. They have closed their little eyelids. When the morning comes and the sun touches their eyes, they awake. They move out from their little shelters and make noise. I wouldn’t call it singing. It sounds like they just reached puberty. Their big family is just like ours. They fight, they argue and they share food. They live in the hedge and in between the roof and the roof tiles. I watch them as they go. I watch them as they fly out of their little houses and fight. Picking out the bird seeds, they choose the right ones and leave the not so tasty bird seeds for the pigeons because pigeons eat everything. I left an open pot of peanut butter on the ground that I almost finished. It is a good solution because my knife is not flexible enough to finish the last bits. They can and they put their little beaks inside the jar and empty it. I didn’t know they would like peanut butter so much, so I handed them a full pot instead. If they go out, they don’t go far. All of them stay in a range of 100 meters from the house. If there is a cat from the neighborhood peeking in, I’m trying to scare it away. And if I’m not around they get help from an unexpected civilian. The blackbird. I never heard a bird make more noise. When the cat sneaked in on his toes and looked around for a bite to eat he thought he was infallible. He didn’t see the guard who was waiting for an intruder like him. As soon as the intruder found his way to the hedge the blackbird flew to a high branch on the young oak tree at the edge of the yard and started yelling, singing and screaming. He wasn’t exactly screaming but as far as birds have the ability, it sounded just like that. After 15 minutes went by the cat gave up and retreated scared of having his eardrums imploded. The black bird, proud of his achievement of protecting the garden, flew back to his partner, their children save in their nest. And the little birds laughed after having witnessed everything sitting in their little place below the roof tiles, happy with the residents of their little village and thankful for the giant who eats too much peanut butter.

The Swan

She was special.
We would have had a strong bond.
The umbilical cord around my neck.
I got freed just in time to pass through to the other side.

She was standing there when the first light passed my irises.
Now there is only a memory.
In the form of a painting.
A swan with her signature and my name.

Than the fatal day came.
It was a beautiful day, the day she fell.
Just a bike ride she would return from.
But she didn't.

Her light was taken away in a blink of an eye.
With a force we as human beings can't understand.
But she gives me power even to this day.
Although she had to leave from this earth.
I hope she is watching and guiding me from out the distance.