People

I should do more.
I should take more chances.
I should change, some people think.
It is funny that the people who say this would never change things about themselves.

Damaged

Life will leave you damaged.
It took a long time before i really understood this.
I was really good at avoiding the fruits of life.
Till I started to take chances and failed at most of them.

Why

I didn't know why I deserved her.
Why she came into my life to turn my life into something of beauty.
My soul at ease.
I know now, it was only to test me, to see if I could take the pain of losing her.

Regret

Regret taught me a lot.
The most lessons you learn in life.
Ur only able to learn after u realize u should have learned them a lot earlier.

The swimming pool

I knew she would walk away someday.
I thought, as i watched her walking towards the restroom of the swimming pool.
Watching her walk, slowly out of my sight.

Dream

I dreamed about her again.
She came to visit.
She brought gifts.
I think her whole family was here.
She has changed.
We had a good time.
Walking in the garden making silly moves.
Everybody was happy.
At dinner we all started to talk about our lives.
She started to talk about her life.
I hated to hear some things.
I had my second meal.
"Fuck this!!", i screamed.
Threw away my knife and fork.
"I am going to smoke."
Went outside.
It was raining very hard.
I was standing under our old roof.
I screamed as loud as I could.
Hoping nobody would here me.
Nobody did because of the rain.
I looked in a mirror while smoking.
Saw a black cat behind me.
I tried to look where it was.
Fell over some bikes but couldn't find the black cat.
Looked again.
Two cat-eyes staring at me.
Suddenly I am awake, I look if she's online on facebook.
She is, but I let her be.
It's over.

Letting go

I didn't know letting go would be even harder then holding on.

Tears

Tears, so many tears because of you.
Was it because the love lost or the hate you left me with?

Saved

Sometimes you might think somebody was there to save you.
But you find out you was only there to save them.

Doomed

Am I doomed? To be alone again and again with no salvation in sight.
Being used like I have no soul.
If I don't have what it takes, why am i still here?
Why is my soul covered in darkness?
I want nobody to see the light in me, because it might not be there.
And it certainly is not the light somebody is searching for.