Something I wrote on 31 December 2012 before I got drunk.
Found it in my phone a day later.
Why this night I feel like dying again?
There is no one.
I'm trying so fucking hard but it doesn't add up to shit.
If I had a pill to take me out if this world I would take it.
This is a cry for help.
How long do I have to live alone?
How much time do I have before my body will forsake me?
I was so positive about my future just a day ago.
And now I'm lost again.
Only pain and tears are there for me.
I'm longing for a connection.
I'm longing for a body to hold.
Somebody next to me who understands my pain and my deepest fears.
Please, please, please.
I can't take much more of this.
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